The day after

We are watching Alien, drinking pink bubbly, and we just googled tentacle rape:

I guess this is one way to get through a hurricane.

This is Irene

The Journey

I wasn't even 20 minutes into my first movie of Irene-induced seclusion when I realized how bored I was going to be all weekend - hence my last sad face post. And BEHOLD! A solution presented itself in the guise of another slightly bored urban strandee, a certain Misses Bubbles.

After a few texts, it was decided that I was going to venture a mile to join her in her Chelsea studio. And so I turned on the dance music, put on some pants, and started packing. Into the suitcase went:

• two sets of clothes
• one liter of vodka
• one liter of soda water and 1.5 gallons of regular water
  
• 4 beers
• flashlight, candles, and matches
  
• bathroom supplies
• my Macboook Air, my iPad, my iPhone, and all associated chargers
• food stuffs (just beef jerky and granola bars)
• rain gear
• a book

I made sure my apartment was secured and ventured outside, not knowing what to expect. Actually, I was expecting an urban wasteland, buffetted by 100 mile an hour winds, with cars being flung to the side and waves flowing into the City from the Hudson. I was expecting to have to fight my way downtown, so I had put on my sexy rain boots, wrapped my valuables in a garbage bag, zipped up my raincoat and headed out. But to my surprise, while the streets were much quieter than normal, there were still a bunch of people out. The bar on my block was bumpin', the flower guy at my corner bodega was still sitting on his plastic chair waiting for someone to buy some tulips (because that's what everyone needs when there is a hurricane a'comin', and cabs were speeding down 9th avenue as they always do.

So I hailed a cab and climbed in, and 10 minutes later I was greeted with a glass of champagne, and 2 minutes after that I was in my PJs lounging on the couch with my three apple products splayed around me.

Now I know that even if the power goes out, at least I am have good company to entertain myself with through the biggest Hurricane I have ever seen (Hurricane Earl last year was soooo much worse than Irene).

So, let the party begin!

DISASTER RELIEF!

Well, I had to call in reinforcements and THANK GOD relief has arrived. Relief from boredom, that is. Irene isn't yet interesting in proportion to the magnitude of lockdown so things were getting a little dull. Luckily, P Diddy was able to swoop in with an overnight bag and provisions to help keep us both hydrated and entertained until the storm blows through.

Thank God for that. I was seriously getting nervous.

This was more fun in Montauk

Although Irene is much more worthy of having a blog.

How we prep for a hurricane in Hell's Kitchen

While a lot of the restaurants, stores, and other businesses on 9th Avenue are closed, there are still a lot of people out for brunch, walking the dog, going for a job, etc.

And Irene is still far enough away that a slightly boozy brunch was a perfect excuse to spend a few hours out of the apartment before being trapped in.

Now I just have to figure out what I can do to pass the time if the power goes out...

Rain's gone away

Looks like that was just a prelude. Anyone know what we can make out of heavy cream?

Oversupply of Cheesecake

A "severe oversupply of cheese cake" threatens emergency services in the west village of manhattan says longtime resident Wesley Puffins.

Damp.

The rain has begun.

There are all sorts of people outside running for cover, umbrella-less - like they didn't expect that it would rain today. Ummm... you're carrying 3 gallons of water in your hands in preparation for a hurricane and you didn't bring an umbrella to your emergency supply shopping trip? I should go steal all of their water. They totally don't deserve it.

Irenebeciles.

Irene is a stupid name

The guy's in Manhattan right now are super skanky, FYI. All the good ones flew out on their private jets DAYS ago, when there were still canned goods, flashlights, and water jugs at the local bodegas...and now all we are left with are the guys who don't have even one flashlight, maybe one or two canned products, and perhaps, PERHAPS!, a pot on their stove with half a gallon of moldy water in it...how am I supposed to find a husband in that crowd?!?!

Skanks! All of them!

I hope I live through this so I can find a man....one who isn't skanky....maybe I should follow the Village Voice's advice.....then I would totally be prepared for whatever it is that Irene (that floozie) has in store for me.

And too bad the bodega only had Crenshaw melons. I hate those fucks. No melon could be worse than a Crenshaw melon. It's too big. It's too juicy. Like, 147% too juicy. It's too popular with newscasters, with their penchant for juicy melons. For the past year, the only melon I have heard about is the fuckin' Crenshaw. What about the honeydew?!?! What about the watermelon!?!?! What about the cantelope?!?!

Give me Cantelope or give me Death! That's what I say.

Skanky Crenshaw melons....they ruined my hurricane preparation.

Luckily I have thwarted the Crenshaw melon and accumulated the following hurricane preparation materials:

• two bottles of wine and one liter of vodka
  
• beef jerkey
• a flashlight and 5 candles
• 2.75 gallons of water
• an iPad, an iPhone, a MacBook Air, and a MacBook
• a well moisturized gay man's face
  
• and an internet connection to this blog

Which means that not only will I survive this hurricane, I will post here often.

Yeah!

Sincerely,

P Diddy

P.S.:

"Dear Mr. Best Ghost Ever,

Thank you for sending me the ostrich to fly me to safety. Unfortunately, ostriches can't fly and even if he could, the TSA now prohibits ostrich's in US airspace. Thanks for trying though.

p.s. I have named him Oscar and he has eaten all of my beef jerkey and face cream"

Unpreparedness

Things I do not have, in preparation for Irene:

1. Flashlight
2. Batteries
3. Water
4. Working umbrella

Things I do have:

1. Wine
2. Lots of Adult Swim on DVR
3. Laptop
4. Netflix

Prognosis: Good, so long as leaving the building is not necessary.

NOAA sees you!

Dear Irene,

You think you can hide from the Government? Think again.

Flirting with the coast? Why not visit the midwest? We promise it's just as nice as cape hatteras.

Oh, and don't worry we won't remove our window air conditioners.

Love,

Hurricane stalkers of America

Another Year...

... Another Hurricane.

Last year was Earl; this year Irene. Will it be as anti-climactic? Disappointing? Time will tell!